Children and their forts…

I walk out into my bedroom one afternoon after sorting the kitchen post lunch and realize that all the pillows have vanished. I also could not see the sheets. I walked into the dining area and see that the chairs are gone. Something rings a bell, and I know I should walk into my kids bedroom. What I see shocks me, but yes after 5 seconds, a huge smile overcomes all my emotions and is plastered on my face. The whole room has been transformed. The bed and chairs (that have been pulled from the dining area) are now acting as pillars to hold up all the sheets. Inside this little area I see pillows thrown around, and a little lamp pulled in. Both my kids are lying down and reading books. Both of them have “designed” their corners. One side has dolls set out, and the other side has Star Wars books. 🙂

I am yet to come across an individual who has not made a small little fort of their own as a kid. Its amazing how math and science needs to be passed on from generation to generation through books, classes and lectures but this finds a way across generations. Almost like its been transferred through our DNA. Each generation manages to make it.

I recently started reading more about it. So apparently I am not the first person who has been intrigued by the children and the forts they build (surprise surprise). Apparently as a phenomenon this is being studied for a long time now. Studies have found that it is a physical, developmental and psychological need in a child to build his/her own fort. It provides a child with her own space. It helps her create something thereby instilling the feeling of independence and self reliance. It also gives them a sense of freedom and lays the foundation of decision making skill development. 

In todays times such forts are even more important. With Covid-19 imprisoning us in our homes the children feel the need for their own space. They need an area away from the authority of adults. They need the walls to demarcate themselves in the now often overcrowded house. The fact that the walls are made of cloth and thus flimsy does not take away the fact that they do provide a division from the outer world. The outer world is often a place that the child has no or little control over. Its what lies inside these fort walls that the child can structure and move as they want. It also thus provides them with a sense of power. 

In recent times many parents have reported that their children have built forts and ask parents to let them be. Mental health workers all over the world are requesting parents to not destroy or break (read fold away) such forts. They are performing many functions in making our little warriors fight and win the battles they are faced in todays times.

Think back of the times when we were children and how much fun these forts and the games we played inside them was. Thus irrespective of your child age please let them build forts. Let their forts stay. And enjoy as this is a symbol that your child is growing and learning to manage the world around himself/herself.

To the memory of the fort I used to build under my dining table in our home in Delhi.

DIS-ABILITY to THIS-ABILITY …. my journey.

When we are little children we are asked “What do you want to become when you grow up?” often. I am not talking of these questions in Grade 9, 10, 11 or 12 when they come loaded with the weight of career choices, choice of academic stream and universities etc etc. I am talking of the times you ask a 5-6-7 years old what they want to become. The answers that come sometimes surprise, sometimes shock the adults but always make them smile. I always answered that question with the same single word answer “teacher”. And somehow I never grew out of that childhood dream of mine. I kept saying the same thing at each stage in life.

I grew up and my education took me on a path that helped me work with children with special needs. It helped me bring together my dream of being a teacher with my interest in mental health. I have worked in the field with students and their families. Each one has taught me.

These are just a few examples of the questions I have heard approximately over the last 2 decades, time and again. I somehow have never answered them. The questions may be different but my response to them has always been a smile. Amazingly the people who ask are also satisfied with that little smile. Its almost as if they were not really looking for an answer at all. Today I would like to use this forum to answer there questions…

Why do you work with such children?…. Children are children and I love working with them. Each child is different and for me its the same working with any child with any needs.

Is there someone in your family who has special needs?…. No not in the way it is described by laws laid down by associations and governments but yes we all have special needs. If I am encouraged to look at each person individually and not expect to fit them in preset moulds then why with children?

What made you decide to do this?….. Frankly nothing. I just wanted to work with children and this just happened and when it did I loved every second of it.

It must be so difficult? How do you manage?….. I do have my days when I find it tough. But frankly its like any other profession, I am trained I find it easy, you maybe trained to fly a plane and you find that easy :).

You must have a lot of patience to be able to do this…… I don’t know if I had it or not but whatever patience I had I surely have more. So I say this confidently that whatever may have been my level of patience its better after being in this line for almost 2 decades.

What if something happens to you while working with them?…… This question does not deserve an answer.

You are doing a nobel job and God will bless you…… God will bless everyone who does their work sincerely. I love being in that category after all we all need all the blessings we can get. Right?

My journey began in a way least expected. some classes in university changed me forever. I clearly remember a teacher on mine in Masters course who asked us how we felt when we come face to face with a person with a disability? I wrote a few points and moved on. Assignment was done. In the next lecture we were all taken to a special school and with no instructions asked to move around and do what we wanted to. That day I realized that I do not know how to even conduct myself. I don’t know what to say, what to not say, how to behave, am I to offer help, am I to complete their sentences or what. This experience left me with the feeling that I am the one who has a disability I am the one who actually feels at a loss or disabled in that sense. The so called individuals were comfortable in their skin and I was not.

That week was the turning point in my life. I decided that I wanted to convert my disability (in not knowing about how to behave or conduct myself in front of other people) into an ability. And thus started my quest of turning disability into This-ability to be myself in every situation. The journey continues. My teachers are life and all the people who I have worked with, the professionals, the children, and the parents. This article is a small attempt at expressing that when we do look at the mirror before labelling others our lives change, our perceptions change and we are ready for a change. A change that begins with us and only us. It begins within and then maybe just maybe will spread.

Personally I do not feel my major contribution is that I can teach someone who is in the autism spectrum or who finds it tough to read because of dyslexia. My contribution is that I know the child is a child first and his/her disability is only part of their life. I do not let the disability define every aspect of that child. I can look at the child as any other child. I love the child like I would any other, I will teach the child the values I will teach my children. Also I can proudly say that my own 2 children will not point fingers and make fun of some who don’t deserve it. This is what makes me proud and feel blessed.

I pray that each one of us are blessed in this way too. I pray that you all begin a journey too…… and Happy journey friends.