Children and their forts…

I walk out into my bedroom one afternoon after sorting the kitchen post lunch and realize that all the pillows have vanished. I also could not see the sheets. I walked into the dining area and see that the chairs are gone. Something rings a bell, and I know I should walk into my kids bedroom. What I see shocks me, but yes after 5 seconds, a huge smile overcomes all my emotions and is plastered on my face. The whole room has been transformed. The bed and chairs (that have been pulled from the dining area) are now acting as pillars to hold up all the sheets. Inside this little area I see pillows thrown around, and a little lamp pulled in. Both my kids are lying down and reading books. Both of them have “designed” their corners. One side has dolls set out, and the other side has Star Wars books. 🙂

I am yet to come across an individual who has not made a small little fort of their own as a kid. Its amazing how math and science needs to be passed on from generation to generation through books, classes and lectures but this finds a way across generations. Almost like its been transferred through our DNA. Each generation manages to make it.

I recently started reading more about it. So apparently I am not the first person who has been intrigued by the children and the forts they build (surprise surprise). Apparently as a phenomenon this is being studied for a long time now. Studies have found that it is a physical, developmental and psychological need in a child to build his/her own fort. It provides a child with her own space. It helps her create something thereby instilling the feeling of independence and self reliance. It also gives them a sense of freedom and lays the foundation of decision making skill development. 

In todays times such forts are even more important. With Covid-19 imprisoning us in our homes the children feel the need for their own space. They need an area away from the authority of adults. They need the walls to demarcate themselves in the now often overcrowded house. The fact that the walls are made of cloth and thus flimsy does not take away the fact that they do provide a division from the outer world. The outer world is often a place that the child has no or little control over. Its what lies inside these fort walls that the child can structure and move as they want. It also thus provides them with a sense of power. 

In recent times many parents have reported that their children have built forts and ask parents to let them be. Mental health workers all over the world are requesting parents to not destroy or break (read fold away) such forts. They are performing many functions in making our little warriors fight and win the battles they are faced in todays times.

Think back of the times when we were children and how much fun these forts and the games we played inside them was. Thus irrespective of your child age please let them build forts. Let their forts stay. And enjoy as this is a symbol that your child is growing and learning to manage the world around himself/herself.

To the memory of the fort I used to build under my dining table in our home in Delhi.

DIS-ABILITY to THIS-ABILITY …. my journey.

When we are little children we are asked “What do you want to become when you grow up?” often. I am not talking of these questions in Grade 9, 10, 11 or 12 when they come loaded with the weight of career choices, choice of academic stream and universities etc etc. I am talking of the times you ask a 5-6-7 years old what they want to become. The answers that come sometimes surprise, sometimes shock the adults but always make them smile. I always answered that question with the same single word answer “teacher”. And somehow I never grew out of that childhood dream of mine. I kept saying the same thing at each stage in life.

I grew up and my education took me on a path that helped me work with children with special needs. It helped me bring together my dream of being a teacher with my interest in mental health. I have worked in the field with students and their families. Each one has taught me.

These are just a few examples of the questions I have heard approximately over the last 2 decades, time and again. I somehow have never answered them. The questions may be different but my response to them has always been a smile. Amazingly the people who ask are also satisfied with that little smile. Its almost as if they were not really looking for an answer at all. Today I would like to use this forum to answer there questions…

Why do you work with such children?…. Children are children and I love working with them. Each child is different and for me its the same working with any child with any needs.

Is there someone in your family who has special needs?…. No not in the way it is described by laws laid down by associations and governments but yes we all have special needs. If I am encouraged to look at each person individually and not expect to fit them in preset moulds then why with children?

What made you decide to do this?….. Frankly nothing. I just wanted to work with children and this just happened and when it did I loved every second of it.

It must be so difficult? How do you manage?….. I do have my days when I find it tough. But frankly its like any other profession, I am trained I find it easy, you maybe trained to fly a plane and you find that easy :).

You must have a lot of patience to be able to do this…… I don’t know if I had it or not but whatever patience I had I surely have more. So I say this confidently that whatever may have been my level of patience its better after being in this line for almost 2 decades.

What if something happens to you while working with them?…… This question does not deserve an answer.

You are doing a nobel job and God will bless you…… God will bless everyone who does their work sincerely. I love being in that category after all we all need all the blessings we can get. Right?

My journey began in a way least expected. some classes in university changed me forever. I clearly remember a teacher on mine in Masters course who asked us how we felt when we come face to face with a person with a disability? I wrote a few points and moved on. Assignment was done. In the next lecture we were all taken to a special school and with no instructions asked to move around and do what we wanted to. That day I realized that I do not know how to even conduct myself. I don’t know what to say, what to not say, how to behave, am I to offer help, am I to complete their sentences or what. This experience left me with the feeling that I am the one who has a disability I am the one who actually feels at a loss or disabled in that sense. The so called individuals were comfortable in their skin and I was not.

That week was the turning point in my life. I decided that I wanted to convert my disability (in not knowing about how to behave or conduct myself in front of other people) into an ability. And thus started my quest of turning disability into This-ability to be myself in every situation. The journey continues. My teachers are life and all the people who I have worked with, the professionals, the children, and the parents. This article is a small attempt at expressing that when we do look at the mirror before labelling others our lives change, our perceptions change and we are ready for a change. A change that begins with us and only us. It begins within and then maybe just maybe will spread.

Personally I do not feel my major contribution is that I can teach someone who is in the autism spectrum or who finds it tough to read because of dyslexia. My contribution is that I know the child is a child first and his/her disability is only part of their life. I do not let the disability define every aspect of that child. I can look at the child as any other child. I love the child like I would any other, I will teach the child the values I will teach my children. Also I can proudly say that my own 2 children will not point fingers and make fun of some who don’t deserve it. This is what makes me proud and feel blessed.

I pray that each one of us are blessed in this way too. I pray that you all begin a journey too…… and Happy journey friends.

Traditional games and why we should continue playing them

Hi everyone

Today for sometime I need you all to go back in time. To a time when we were children. When we would wait for the clock to strike 5 (or whatever was the time your parents had set for you to go out to play). When going out was determined by our parents and the clock but coming back home was 1 decision we could take. When most evening, at least for me, would end in my dad returning from work and coming to the park to say the same sentence everyday “Lets go in kids its already late.”

Our time playing outside was something we looked forward to. Even to the extent that we were ready to give up going out somewhere with parents just so we won’t miss our evening park. I will now share some all time favourite games. I am assuming they have different names in different parts of our country but most are played all over. I will describe the games. the purpose is two-fold. One to remind you the game and most likely make you smile, and two just in case if you want to brush up before you teach these to your children. At the end of each description I am going to put a few words in brackets and these are the various areas of development the particular game helps develop. Just in case we need more motivation to introduce these to our next generation.

1. Pitthu…… Also know as lagori or 7 stones. In this game we would have 2 teams. Number of players varied depending on how many children were playing and then they were just divided equally into 2. A stack of 7 flat stones was made in the middle. It resembled a pyramid with largest stone at the bottom n smallest at the top. Team 1 had to break it with a ball and then recreate it. Team 2s job is to ensure team 1 can’t recreate the pyramid. They throw the ball on members of team 1 and dismiss them if the ball touches them. If team 1 builds it, they win. If they all get dismissed without making the pyramid team 2 wins. (Eye hand coordinating, large muscle movement, aiming, catching, teamwork).

2. Elastic…… I am sure along with us our mothers remember this game too as they were pestered non stop to find some elastic band about 8 meters long and then stitch it to make a loop. 2 children would put this loop around their ankles and stand with legs opened creating a space of about 2 feet between the 2 sides of the band. Now other children in a line would have to just on and between these bands in different patterns rhythmically. The more pattern one managed to do without tripping the higher score they made. After each cycle the elastic was moved up by a couple of inches. Making it difficult to recreate the patters. (Sense of rhythm, musical patterns, jumping, pattern making and following, body balance).

3. 4 corners….. This used to be a favourite as it can be played impromptu and doesn’t need anything. Played with more than 4 children (5, 6 or 7 can play in 1 group and if we had more we would just create more groups) . Basically we would create an area that resembled a square and 1 child each would stand at each of the 4 corners. The other children would be in the middle of the square. Now any 2 children from corners would make eye contact and small sly nod would give them the green signal to run and exchange places. While these 2 were running the children in the middle are free to run and claim a corner. The one who could not reach a corner now becomes the den and comes to the middle of the square. (shapes, visual and virtual perception, eye contact, body language sensitivity, large muscle exercise, team work)

I am stopping at 3 games and will encourage all the readers to share more games from their childhood in the comments. Just a name with or without a description will help us all create a list that we would love to introduce to our little ones.

Keep smiling. I am also hoping this article reminded you of your childhood friends. Keep playing.

Stay safe and see if you want to connect with your childhood friends.

Sleep and lullabies

Hi everyone

Good morning. Hope you all had a nice sleep last night. Sleep is such an important aspect of our lives….right? We all love to sleep. We parents can often be caught saying things like “I miss sleeping in late”, or “I haven’t slept well since I became a parent” or “Once we are a parent its bye bye sleep for a few years at least”. While all these are not completely true but they are to an extent. Or can be true for some to a greater extent than others. I myself recall feeling sleep deprived when my children were younger. I imagine many parents having gone through this phase.

I would like to share a few things I practiced that helped my children sleep better. And of course this made my sleep patterns better too. So here goes…..

1. ATMOSPHERE…. No one wants to sleep if they can see someone else playing, partying, dancing or singing. If you are watching TV and expect a child to sleep (irrespective of the child’s age) it ain’t gonna happen. The atmosphere should be such that it feels conducive to sleeping. In this you will have to be careful of the lighting of the room etc.

2. TIMING….. Our body clocks are very powerful. Even more so in children. If we do things according to time our body and brain gets used to it. Often at the same time daily the brain will send appropriate signals to the body. We have all experienced inability to sleep once the bed time is gone. This is a perfect example supporting what I am trying to say. Thus it helps children when we stick to timings. If they are used to getting into bed at 8pm then do so.

3. ROUTINE…. We all have routines and create them. With very young children also we can create routines. I am not propagating 1 kind of routine over another. You need to find your own with your child that suits your family. Just an example of a bedtime routine is…… Post dinner, 30 minutes of an sit down activity (not high intensity) followed by a change of clothes (may or may not include bath), brushing teeth, getting into bed, depending on the age of the child with or without a book, maybe some soft lullabies, massaging of feet and legs for children…..Good night.

4. COMFORT…. All the things mentioned in this article become useless if the child is not comfortable. And when I say comfort I mean physical and emotional. The physical comfort includes temperature in the room, comfortable and soft nightwear, usual place to sleep. Emotional comfort comes from the routine and predictability. It also means feeling secure which for children often comes from being close to a parent. Traditionally mothers would put the child in bed and leave her dupatta (scarf) next to the child. The smell of the mother kept the child feeling secure and helped them sleep better. This little tip really helped my 1st born sleep at night in his cot.

I hope some of these hep you too and we all sleep well irrespective of how young your child is.

Take care and Good night.