I am glad my parents said “NO”…..

To me, to my sibling, to my demands, to my tantrums, to some of my ideas, to some (thankfully not all) of my randomness…………..

Being connected to the education and mental health profession for almost two decades now I can’t even begin to count the number of times I have heard and read “Children should not hear a no’. The word that our parents used with us has somehow lost its importance in many lives. It is a known fact that if used too often and too easily the word is rendered useless or at least less effective. It is also know that if used with anger this word can hamper development of an individual. Thus it has been proposed and accepted by many that instead of denying something to a child one must use the softer approach of reasoning.

In trying to learn from the new approaches of child rearing many parents started living by the second approach. But in the process of never saying no to our child the parents are becoming over protective. The children are becoming way too fragile for the “actual” world. And then there is a category of parents who are confused. And at no point I am blaming them the world does give confusing signals. They are thus living between two extreme scenarios and are hanging and swinging between the two like a pendulum. Saying no or not saying no. In this situation they surely pass on their confusion to the child who now has no idea which behaviour is acceptable and which needs to be modified.

I sometimes sit and wonder is “no” such a bad word????????

I will just look at this question from 1 perspective and see what all did “no” give me……..

1. It possibly saved my life a few times, when I was stopped from jumping off a dangerously high ladder or tree branch, and my mom shocked me into not taking the next step because she shouted a NO.
2. It possibly saved my brother from harmed, when I wanted to really- really hit him hard for being himself.
3. It may have even saved lives of some of my friends (Those in MS 19 will know this) whom we were pushing and our teacher shouted a NO.

In the long run I feel the NOs I heard in my growing up years helped me understand that everything I ask for or want will not happen. Life is not served to me on a silver platter and I do need to work for things. I also learnt that success and failure are both parts of life. As I matured more I understood that NO is not permanent and it is just a way of telling me to change for better. I also learnt how to bounce back after the so called set back of “NO”.

Thus I would like to just say this that NO if used all the time and without any reason with the sole purpose of using our authority over someone else is totally unacceptable. But to say “NO” never should not be an option. It needs to be used……

Judiciously

With a reason

And with options that are acceptable when a particular one is not.

I will also say this here that now I have 2 beautiful loving children myself and trust me they do hear NOs. Thus parents go by your gut. When a NO is required use it. But be careful about it. As I have learnt as a parent “choose your battles”.

Hope this helps. Happy parenting. We are all learning as we go and from each other all the times…… YES or NO??? 🙂